Would you consider co-parenting with a close friend?

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Once upon a time, there was a poet who oh so eloquently flows to the music while the words escapes him named Samson. He posed a question in his Instagram stories and a wordist who oh so eloquently captures verbiage from what she sees in the likes of Chanel Speedy. Due to her clicking Samson’s story it formed a script and it goes a little something like this.

Carol’s Daughter

Samson: Would you consider co-parenting with a close friend?

Chanel Speedy: Being that our generation doesn’t share the same bond our grandparents or parents may have had? Before I answer your question as I just added on another question LOL.

In this situationship and or arrangement if I may is there LOVE though? The void can not be replaced with another one. Personally, I can’t get involved with someone I am not drawn to as far as a connection. Otherwise, it is meaningless to me.

It was a running joke with one of my guy friends that if we both are single by said age then we are just going to build a family like build a bear. When it was all said and done there was not a connection on that level so in reality it was literally just a joke.

Betsey Johnson

This is why I don’t like answering hypotheticals because when the time comes will you sink or float? You learn how to swim in calm waters. If a shark is in your rearview are you going to remember your breathing techniques? In that moment, so many factors have entered the equation anxiety, panick and survival mode has now kicked in.

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Samson: I agree with you. The love factor plays a role. I do know friends who love each other deeply; not on a relationship level but I do believe the love and feels matter. I predict friends that end up co-parenting probably end up being together because maybe the bond is special but I do believe if people are jumping into it to fill a void it won’t work. There has to be some level of love there for this to be a beautiful experience. Connection is important I guess if it’s there go for it. But if it’s not nah because as you said that’s meaningless.

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Chanel Speedy: Love is meant to be felt in any relationship unless it is a take away in which it becomes draining because it’s one sided. To love. To be in love. To have love for someone all different forms but the bottomline is still love. Similar to Kehlani I don’t know her situation with her friend but they are happy and she is deep so that may be a deeply rooted love like none other experienced. I think it is beautiful.

JanSport

To bring a child up in a realm of that forceful magnitude is amazing. That bond makes it more special. The child who you have to water is the feature presentation, the new director and chief in charge everything will revolve around this little bundle of joy. A stable environment of learning, healthy habits and stages of progression should be rewarded because the love is present. I personally do not settle as dust does. However, to each it’s own.

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Some are filling voids and it shows because you are not healed from trauma in your life from what you have been subjected to. The cycle continues. Where does end though? Someone has to choose themselves over a crave, desire or temporal pleasure. The lack there of makes it meaningless. Two lost people are going to be lost. If one is found they in return can teach the other. Let’s use a map, google, read a book, go to therapy etc. Heal, be uncomfortable to love, to be and feel loved. I like this conversation and where this is going. This should be read by others just a thought. These are the type of discussions we need to be having. I appreciate your curiousity and I’m glad I had time today to click on your story.

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Samson: That was very well said, I like that and I agree love is still love in all of its forms as long as it’s real and rooted from a good place that love will be beautiful but yes many are filling voids subconsciously and consciously. I feel that too, we live in a strange world but bottomline is I can definitely agree if two people decide to do this. It just can’t be for a filling or repacking of a void but for the genuine good of this little being that the two would have to raise. I appreciate you jumping in on this talk and I will for sure have some of these conversations displayed because it’s important. I appreciate you for clicking in and getting involved.

I feel that both individuals have to know themselves and live themselves first.

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Chanel Speedy: Dream big and execute you always had a way with words which drew me to you. Just wanted you to know that. It’s the simple things.

Samson: Thank you means a lot for real. 🌞

Chanel Speedy: You are very welcome.

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How about you, YoU and YOU? What are your thoughts on this topic being that love, relationships and family dynamic have changed from the mold our grandparents or parents have lived in? Submit your comments below. #THEYLOVEMYSPLASH

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12 Responses

  1. The read hit home for me, as I am co-parenting with a close friend. The only difference is I am not the biological father. This adds a whole other layer to the union. Not only am I raising a now 6 year old boy, I’m raising him with a friend that I am no longer intimate with and I’m also in a new relationship. This adds layers to my personal relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

    • For starters thank you for reading. Secondly to the comment that was made about you not being the biological father the benefactor here is the child. So many family dynamics start with the child not being the mother’s boyfriend or partner if it is a deeper level into the relationship. The fact that you stepped up to help mold this child shows that you invested time and are willing to add value due to interest in this child’s life. Now future relationships are affected by male presence or absence. Some men leave after procreating with the mother and disconnect from their practice child. In some cases the practice child aka not biological child develops abandonment issues, withdraws from contact and sometime social gatherings featuring this person due to the disconnect. In other cases the relationship flourishes with or without a relationship being present. I commend you RB on stepping up to the plate for a job you weren’t appointed for but took the initiative of carrying out. Males need father figures to fill the void, to be taught and learn from. Keep being a “real” model.

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  2. LOVED IT! that was such an important conversation. Between seeing friends/family rush to have kids and especially after teaching for so long and meeting parents from different walks of life, I feel like 90% of people raising children right now are lost.
    You can definitely tell the difference between kids raised with love that are invested in and “watered” vs. the kids with parents that didn’t think of having a child as anything more than an attempt to fill a void. They see kids as an accessory, like a cool bag or ear pods. Unhealed people rushing into parenting is so selfish. Especially because in not dealing with their healing, they are inevitably going to pass on the same negative traits that they’re ignoring and this 100% preventable cycle will unfortunately continue.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for reading❗I agree with your eloquent points and a lot of men and women have to bury the little boy/girl inside of them. Many have not healed from something they felt they were entitled to leading to them not knowing how to adjust to life.
      No one owes any individual anything and although we can not alter how we were raised we CAN overturn what was taught. Enlightenment is learning to unlearn and reapply to life as it in fact changes. I was raised on love while some were raised on survival. Mannerisms, tolerance and overall how they treat others are on the forefront.

      Even in the having to raise yourself era because parents had to work so much to make ends meet seeds are planted that can be cultivated with time. Age doesn’t guarantee maturity and just because you can procreate doesn’t mean you are parenting. You can’t teach what you don’t know however, you only learn if SOLELY interested or invested.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Exactly! The trouble with people these days is many don’t want to put in the work to address and unlearn their damaging behavior. It’s sad watching some of my peers pass down the same generational traumas and shitty behaviors they refuse to address in themselves. Especially in regards to how they speak to children.
        To circle back, situationships seem to be the “in” thing but unless both parties are as grounded as Kehlani and her partner I can’t see anything other than a terrible cycle repeating itself. I asked someone the other day if she knows her child is watching how her and the dad interact and learning from their toxic behavior. She said her child was “too sweet to act like his father” and that I wouldn’t understand because I was not a parent, but sometimes parents just don’t get along. I feel 5 minutes on Google could have taught her about learned behaviors and how children are like sponges, but what do I know? Lol.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Some value things over people. Sadly many know the price of everything and the value of nothing. The cycle continues because the trauma is not address. You can’t heal what you don’t reveal Jay-Z stated. The power of language and tone is an art within conversation. Right to the comment you made in regards to Kehlani she knows herself. From what I gather she has been through a lot at a young age bit didn’t let it deter her from obtaining peace. Parents may not get along but projection directed to the child forcing them to choose is a war a child shouldn’t have to fight.

        Observant people don’t need to be a parent, aparently…

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    • LOVE THIS STATEMENT “you can definitely tell the difference between kids raised with love that are invested in and “watered” vs. the kids with parents that didn’t think of having a child as anything more than an attempt to fill a void.” Children are an investment to be nourished in all aspects and should be seen as an opportunity to improve the circumstances the said person overcame. Even as a second chance to take advantage of all of the advancements presently being implemented. Healing is the important factor being overlooked here. It only takes one to stop the reoccurring cycle.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I was raised on love too, I learned about hard work and respect from both of my parents. Nothing was given to me, everything was earned and they refused to splurge on material things. For that reason I was able to fully explore anything I wanted to, anywhere I wanted to go, all while being respectful to others and myself. As an adult, I’m able to recognize toxic habits and correct them, and the only thing I’ll be passing on to my future kids (that will be raised with love and invested in) is infinite wisdom. Too many people aren’t doing the work before having children and It shows.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yes my mother earned everything she has so just seeing that alone taught me work ethic through actions. Her verbal references were after I made a mistake to let me know she is still in my corner even though I messed up. What did you learn? Explain to me in less than 3 minutes why I shouldn’t punish you? She gave me a platform and everyone always asks me why didn’t I become a lawyer lol. The grooming, teaching and unconditional love through understanding was more than enough. Traveling and being exposed to other lifestyles was a plus. The work is important for you and before the child to grow up in this world.

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  3. I totally agree that love comes in many forms and even then I’ll still watch who I say Love to. There’s only a handful of people that will get “Love you” from me and Chanel Speedy you are one of them LoL Love is nothing to toy with so I only say it if I mean it. I wouldn’t want to lead anyone on or give them the wrong idea. I might not co-parent but I will treat their child like my own and correct them when they are wrong and pass on knowledge on how to live etc.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lol thank you for reading and giving your perspective on this manner. I agree with your stance on LOVE it isn’t to be toyed with.

      Liked by 1 person

      • LoL…you are very welcome.

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